Vasectomy Blues

Vasectomy Prevents Abortion by Francis StorrI’ve had a few people tell me I should not openly tweet about my procedure the last few days. They say it is a private matter and should be kept to myself.

However, think I need to ‘splain myself again.

When first I was sitting in the waiting room for my consultation in January, I began doing Google searches on vasectomy stories.

Horror stories, I tell you…all of them.

During that consultation, the doctor told me that the procedure failed on half a percent…there was infection after the procedure in less than half a percent…there was constant dull pain that followed in less than half a percent…

Yet every last story was one of how things had gone wrong.

I could go into, and even thought about going into, the gender issues around health care…but that is not what this is about. This is about that there are no good stories that simply share what happens for those men that are curious and thinking about doing it. If things go right, why tell?

Time to fix this.

My story began in that doctor’s office in January, and will end sometime in June when I go back for my follow-up.

So let us discuss the procedure.

I met a male doctor for my consult, so Thursday morning there was some surprise when I found out a cute female doctor was going to perform the procedure. At first I was concerned for the simple worry that it might move. That thought was quickly washed away by the knowledge that, even with my lifestyle and writing, arousal was the furthest thing from my mind.

She called me in, had me drop trow, and clipped my would-be erection to my shirt in what felt like a cock-ring. That was the end of any arousal feelings right there as the next few minutes were very reminiscent of the dentist as she froze the area with a needle various places on my scrotum. Due to my physiology, I did require a little more freezing than normal as there were a couple of points during the procedure when I could feel the blade. For the most part, however, I felt nothing beyond the tug of the testicles which made it somewhat uncomfortable.

The doctor, however, was very quick about her work. She began explaining aftercare as she performed the procedure and offered to answer any questions. The questions, because of what I do, became very candid.

As a general rule of thumb the aftercare is:

  • no heavy lifting for 48 hours…if you have small children, they are heavy lifting.
  • scrotal support (athletic cup) must remain on for 48 hours except when showering
  • no submerging the scrotum in water (bathing/hot tub) for 7 days…showers are good only after 24 hours.
  • no ejaculation/sex for 5 days…she said some doctors say 3, others 7, but this clinic “splits the difference”

As I lay on the table, I *ahem* dug down on the last one after explaining to her my reasons for asking. After our brief discussion of the Fifty Shade phenomenon, she may be a potential reader of mine now as well. The point being there should be no “unnecessary erections” for five days. The penis will do what it wants, when it wants, but during this time things need to settle back into place. Erections are to neither be encouraged nor brought to ejaculation.

We did discuss the issue of doctor gender doing this procedure. I even blatantly told her my initial thought to which she laughed. One issue I had not considered was that many men prefer a woman doctor as they feel awkward with a male touching their private areas. Draw your own conclusions on this, but I found it fascinating.

The one minor complication I had was a tiny vessel decided to bleed, making it somewhat difficult to see. To remedy this, she asked the other doctor that I had originally consulted with to come in and assist.

That was it. Took about half an hour.

Next, a cup of water and a pain killer…but not Aspirin as that thins the blood and could be messy. They said to start with Tylenol and add in Advil if necessary. Fifteen more minutes were required to sit in the waiting room for observation before I could leave.

Then the pain began. It was as though someone had spent an hour squeezing my testicles. My walk was a limp. A bumpy streetcar ride home was not a fun trip at all.

The afternoon was spent on the couch as m’lady and I binge watched season two of The Walking Dead.

Yesterday there was still some discomfort, but not the same level even remotely. Did some writing in the morning, some pub work in the early afternoon, and more of The Walking Dead in the evening. Not an overly productive day, but still not completely comfortable.

Now, this morning as I woke at 6am, we are now down to my groin feeling like I hit the gym a bit too hard. That and it itches…always a good sign when healing. Since home, the most shocking thing was the bruising when I went to take my first shower. The doctor had warned me, but it was still something odd to see dark bruises on my scrotum.

That’s it. Really not bad at all.

I expect a call from the vasectomy clinic checking up on me sometime between now and Monday, but I am already confident that I will have nothing more to report on this until June.

Coming off of two days of pain, discomfort, and many a bad joke on Twitter, think my situation is a pure success. No two guys will experience this process the same way, but I do hope this little tale helps those that are curious, thinking about it, and scared to understand it a little better.

Mine was done at the Toronto Vasectomy Clinic, who I am very pleased to link to. Worst part of the procedure was they were a little late which does let one stew in their apprehension a bit…however, beyond that they were very professional and caring during my time there. The procedure they do here is “scalpel-less”. If you are in the Toronto area and considering this procedure, I highly recommend them..