Day of reckoning, my ass.
I’ve been on this blasted planet now for what they would refer to as five years. They don’t even know I’m here.
I was first sent here on a fact-finding mission…and facts I did find. The nitrogen we require, for example, is so plentiful here that it will keep my home going for at least a century with current usage…a decade with the expansions we want.
Point being, I found what we needed, reported back, and they are coming with all the mining equipment we have.
These humans, I will say, tend to be a delusional lot. Having been alone here for so long, that I have certainly absorbed a lot of their “pop culture”. One of the few humans that seemed to get the silliness of their existence was a, now dead writer named Douglas Adams…he wrote a set of books called “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” which most dismissed as humorous fiction…but he knew something. I recall one particular point where he pointed out how humans seem to be experts at pointing out the obvious…“Nice day, isn’t it?” …all the while, missing the dots they could connect. In the same set of books, Adams joked about the humans being the third most intelligent species on the planet behind mice and dolphins…if he only knew how close he had that bit…and even the dolphins cannot help stop what will happen.
So I have been here for five years. Yes, repeating myself. You try going to a place, light years from home and family, where you have to learn the language and customs of beings you despise and then living among them. I have read their literature…watched their dramas, both real and fiction…fucked their females…and lived their life.
On the females, I suspect the one point I do envy these humans on is sex.
I really have no easy way to describe this in terms that anyone other than our most learned scientists would understand. The concept is two beings coming together and one entering inside of the other…again, unless one has experienced a physical body…I…I’m sorry, but I do not know how to explain. It is the one aspect I have truly enjoyed.
Take my last report…by human standards, I was a bit drunk so it may have seem odd. I mentioned a “beer wench” in it that, later that evening, I seduced and drove to a screaming orgasm by sliding my penis into her warm and wet vagina.
Being words like penis, vagina and even orgasm are completely foreign to most of us…I mean, if we’re not making a profit, what use are such words…just realize that it is truly a sensation I cannot describe.
On this planet, they truly feature this action of sex…and at the same time deny and denounce it. Not sure I have met a race quite as hypocritical as these humans. They feature sex and allure between genders in everything from their advertising to child-bearing.
Think I may have skipped a point here, did I mention this is how they create offspring? Apparently they are too afraid to clone yet…but they would get there if they had time. Another interesting point is the different genders…male and female…again hard to explain, but the male fucks (aka has sex with) the female…she screams in orgasm…and a child is born.
They do have some fornication within the genders, but due to fictional deities, this is frowned upon.
Don’t get me started on the fictional gods and deities. Our comedy writers, at home, would have entirely new veins of material to write on if you knew half of the shit these silly humans believed.
I recently saw a dramatic production of what they call a “musical” called The Book of Mormon…a stage play where they sing and dance and the writer, of one belief, makes fun of another belief that they see as lesser than their own.
The fact that both beliefs are horse shit made me laugh.
Oh…horses…four legged animals that these humans will breed and ride, simply for ego and superiority. Pets, in essence.
Damn…pets…another species on the planet that these humans control and declare as family members strictly for egoist purposes.
Shit…damn…an explicative in the human language of English that is used to express absolute euphoria…and before you ask, “shit” is another. These and words like “fuck”, “bitch” and “motherfucker” were the first of the language I learned…then I saw them all included as part of another humans “Seven Words You Cannot Say On Television” and it almost fooled me.
If nothing else, the great George Carlin taught me about human sarcasm…not quite as good as sex, but something else we could learn from these humans as it is fucking hilarious. I also love the bits he did on religious bullshit and airline announcements…but no doubt only the scientists will ever hear these reports.
Regardless, I will take my brunette beer wench and fuck her again tonight…and tomorrow…and at least once more on Friday before the ships arrive.
Much as I will enjoy it, and it is the best part of this existence, I am looking forward to being home again very soon.